Pt. 1 Today my memories of my childhood are vague yet increasingly vivid as I remember from certain smells, sounds, tastes, textures, and more. I have this one reoccurring memory of my school counselor finding out about the first time I experienced suicidal thoughts. When I got home my mother and father ridiculed me relentlessly in front of my siblings saying things like “you’re too young to have thoughts like that” or threatening punishment if it happened again, I was 7 years old. Come the age of 16 I still feel like I can’t truly express myself or my thoughts, leading to a feeling of entrapment in my own head. Anytime I go to tell someone I remember the feeling of being invalidated due to my lack of “real issues”, often times today when I have thoughts about hurting myself or someone else I feel inhuman and even alienated, after 8th grade I abused marijuana at times like those leading to an addiction.