I'm gay, but I can't even say the words. I live in as tolerant of a city as it gets, and I'm still scared. If I say it, my lovely friends could get up in front of me and walk away; honestly, they have every right. Or if they are feeling very bold and true to their values, the rational thing to do is slap me and lecture me on the spot. If someone even suspects I might be gay, it feels like the world is gonna end. It feels like everyone is out to k*ll me or at least see how much psychological damage it takes to make me retract from society. I imagine losing jobs, everyone on the street making disgusted faces at me, and being left alone and sick to die because I'm gay. I'll even go as far as to act unbothered when someone asks me if I support gay people - I even have backup anti-LGBT arguments just in case they dislike it. Even being an ally feels like a target on my back. I live in fear, never knowing who I am talking to or what they might do to me.