I dont really know what wrong with me I js know that something is I have 2 friends but I don't speak to them but everything and tbh I don't want to speak to them abt anything I hate them so much and I js wish that ppl will leave me alone And I can't even cry or scream abt it coz the last time I did my mom shouted at me Like is it a crime to cry Fuck Idk what I'm doing this isn't eleven gonna help me I still have so much school work to do I js wanna scream, or punch something or even run Actually I wanna swim I'm such a terrible person I snap at everyone and then I feel guilty Yk I haven't had an actual dream in 2 yrs now Once I had a panic attack at night and everyone thought it was my asthma I asked my mom to get me a pump she still hasn't I js wanna do something Idk why I'm so useless And I'm so cold Its abt 30 degrees rn but I'm freaking freezing I feel like nothings worth it anymore but I dont wanna die I promised myself I'm not gonna kms I js want to be held Thats all