my mental health is seriously ruining me. i hate the way i look. i hate the way i behave. i hate my personality. i hate that i'm never happy like i used to be. i hate that i always pick up the blade and drag it across my skin....i feel like such a freak all the time because of the people i hang around with and my scars. i'm also a drummer and my mental health is also affecting my drum performance a lot, like in school for ensemble practice? i sucked so bad. i always was dropping my drumsticks and sweating and kept getting called out. most of the time, i don't even have enough energy to practice drums, like yes i think about it, i want to practice but i'm genuinely so mentally and physically drained to the point i can't even pick my own drumsticks up and practice. you see, i'm fucking PATHETIC. i'm a LOSER. i hate myself. i hate myself. I HATE MYSELF. ... i just want to be dead bro....is that too much to ask..?