im gay. im in love with a friend of mine. i dont know what to do. i love him but i dont wanna lose him. i enjoy our time together. but i overanalyze. i overthink his actions. he's all over me. i know he won't ever love me back. i know he doesn't think about me. i accept it, yet this pain wouldn't fade away. today i just wanted to rest in your arms so so bad. this is all so bad. i cannot complain when he jokes about women. wish i could be any women, so i could be at least desirable. but im no thing. he sees me as an older brother; that's the kind of relationship i myself build up with him, but i panic when i see him laugh more with another friends. i feel im the therapist and not the real deal, not the dude he'd laugh with. and even tho we're close, my mind goes crazy when he's around. i love him. i just wanna be a woman so i can hug him and lay by his side... :'(