I am just so tired of myself. I don’t know what I look like at all. One day I think I look slim but then I see a picture of me and I look fat. I wanna starve so bad but my brain won’t listen and I just can’t stop eating. I used to throw up but I stopped because it was very annoying to do all the time. My motivation to loose a bunch of weight is that I don’t wanna live my life being insecure. But at the same time I don’t want my life being centered around my weight. I have this thing where I would totally envelope myself in things around being thin and skinny, like ed twitter, ed tiktok, having bad thoughts on purpose. But then suddenly I try to be all non-toxic and healthy with weight loss but I know deep down that I like being surrounded by toxic thoughts. I like the thought of being anorexic, and I genuinely wish I was till this day. I feel guilty for saying it but it’s true. I’m trying to dive deeper into whatever I have going on. thanks for reading <3, pls reply