Trigger warning for all of this. I really really miss my dad. In a month it’ll be a year no contact with him. We went no contact after a really bad fight where I very well could have died. He’s given up custody of me and missed out on all of my senior year and graduation. I can’t talk about this with the one person I trust enough with because his dad is dead and he watched him kill himself and I feel like what I went through isn’t nearly enough. But it hurts so bad. I shouldn’t miss someone who probably still has CSAM of me but I miss him more than anything. I wanna tell him that I’m going to college and have the sweetest boyfriend and I’m learning to make music but no he just kept fighting and fighting and fighting me until I had to leave for my own safety. I’m safe now and I know that but I still don’t get how I can miss someone so terrible. I want a dad