Only just now facing the trauma and pain that I’ve held in for years just makes me not want to open my eyes to face it again and again. I wake up with the hopes shit will be different but it never is. I can’t make much friends or relationships where I live as it’s a military town so I just can’t get out of the house but even if I did I come back to more fighting and stuff not being done and I’m tired of just being alive. I want it to end but can’t ever just do it. It eats me up last minute and I just stare and go to sleep, I need this to end I just can’t keep going like this