I feel like nothing's gonna come out of me being alive.. I'm 18, just finished hight school. Right now I'm waiting till March to enlist (it's mandatory). I'm thinking about the present and the long run. Rn I don't contribute to anything, I don't have much of friends (the ones I do have probably won't miss me). After the army I won't do anything worthy, I won't be in a relationship (and won't get that experience till then as well), I'll be all alone, I'll probably have no friends. I see no reason for me to live. It's not like I want to *hurt* myself. I think it's called passive suicide—I'd just like if a car hit me or I'll get into an accident of sorts. I'm thought about just taking a bunch of painkillers—maybe that'll do the trick.. But the thing is, I'm too much of a coward so I'll just live a miserable life till I die of natural causes :) Ah, on top of that I'm gender/body dysphoria :3 Life's fun!