i dont know honestly. its been a month but i still think about him. he's what i would call a friend but fuck he's hurt me many times in the past and I've put up with it until last month. now im just watching from afar as his wellbeing goes downhill all over again, like ive seen before. hes not mentally stable either, hes very fluctuative. i dont feel sad because his life is fucked up, or that i cant help him. im sad cause i miss him as a friend in my life. we bond because we're both fucked up. we've had many points of no contact, many conversations, but i always thought we were doomed. fuck. its like mourning your loved one in a vegetative state, it feels pointless but you dont wanna grief yet. and now ive already attached him to a song just to cry over it. out of all my friends i felt heard with him. maybe im just selfish. i still remember the small details about him. maybe he has his right eye closed right now, in another timeline i could be reminding him. i miss you v