i havent had a friend since i was in 3rd grade, and now im about to go into college. my mom pulled me out of in-person school and put me into online school because i started having health issues. ive almost died in the hospital multiple times. every day i wake up, and im in pain. getting out of bed hurts, but because of medical trauma, im deeply afraid of medications that could help me. i cant bring myself to do my schoolwork, so i end up having to rush and do 100 assignments on the very last day, and i only know 4th grade math. i procrastinate every single thing. i can barely get myself to open up a video game i enjoy anymore. everything i do feels like a chore. i have panic attacks every day. i have a therapy appointment soon, but what’s that going to do? it’s not going to magically cure me. i’m probably not even going to take any medication they give me because i’ll be afraid of it. i’m afraid ill never change. i’ll never improve. i’ll always be a depressed failure.