Jeez this just feels pathetic getting to this point but w.e... I've been feeling like I've been going through small panic attacks all day, I can't stop fixating on my thoughts about my friend from childhood and if I have feelings for them when I know I dont i'm just lonely and sad from my breakup, but just knowing that makes it worse. I broke up with my girlfriend about 2 weeks ago, first relationship and it was a good 12 years long, not the worst or most toxic thing, but not clean either. When we got together I kind of abandoned/separated from another of my past life, stopped talking to people I used to know, stopped existing as an individual in a lot of ways, so it's been weird trying to figure out who I even am anymore. I thought it would help to reach out to people, so I reached out to my oldest friend, I've known them since kindergarten and was really my only friend most of childhood, and my first crush in plot of ways, nothing ever came of it, but the feelings were there....