i feel like instead of healing i went from one unhealthy coping mechanism to another. this is so embarassing to admit but i used to be obsessed with yaoi/BL, ai bots, gay/lesbian p0rn, furry smvt, and more. i couldn't go a day without using character ai or watching/reading smvt. I would also draw smvt. now i'm clean of it for almost a year or more. i never told anybody what i was struggling with because i felt like i was victimizing myself and it felt like such a stupid, fake "struggle." i'm scared i'm gonna start doing everything i did b4 again. i'm not sure if my mental health worsened or became better bc altho i dont struggle with smvt/p0rn, im obsessed with developing an ED. i feel so ashamed ik its a horrible, deadly illness. i feel so sad and fat whenever i eat over 1000c. i truly miss when i didn't know what cals meant. i truly truly truly do bc food is all i think abt now. i think maybe this is truly worser than my gay p0rn addiction but i rlly can't compare it