Hello, this is kinda corny for me to write because I've never really spoken about my emotions, especially on a random venting website ,LOL, well, today marks the two years of life without my friend. He shot and killed himself on call with me, just put the gun in his mouth and pulled the trigger. I have never spoken about it, much less written about it. I'm not gonna lie and say there's not a second that goes by without me imagining his brains leaking out his head before he fell and hit the bathroom floor. I fell to drugs, hard drugs, nothing helped me for the first year. I can't even recall how many therapists my mom assigned with me to help. I felt so much anger in me, why would he show me that? I've been best friends with him since we were little. I feel like I'm losing myself again. I can't stop crying, it's getting all bad again. I was in a decent spot in life, I could go a few days without crying. I could enjoy meals. I stopped disassociating. I stopped zoning out. Why? fuck you