I got off of a week of non stop spending time out with friends I never get to see, even stayed over at their place the entire time. It helped me realize even more that I hate it at home. All the time I feel numb and overwhelmed. And I feel bad about that, the fact that I never missed any of my family or my home at all when I was gone. My last day when I had gotten back I think I had some kind of anxiety attack or emotional breakdown of some kind and I don’t think that has ended, because all I’m feeling right now is yearning to get away from here away from my family and home. Their not even horrible I just can’t bare the distance with them anymore, they know nothing about me, growing up I wasn’t taught anything from them, just what I don’t want to be, I don’t even know how to regulate myself and my emotions. I just want to run away but I can’t because I need my friends and stability. I just wish I could redo that vacation over and over again. Just to enjoy myself and get away.