My guilt might actually cause he to relapse on SH. I need to get this out and I can’t tell anyone about this. When I was at a Theater ihop meet up I was joking around and called a kid who is also queer which i am not close to the F slur. I deeply regret this to this day. I hate myself for it everyday. Even though I am queer myself i should not have said this to him at all, At the time of me saying I didn’t realize how bad it was and didn’t even realize why I was getting weird looks. I wish someone told me that it was rude and offensive for me to say that to him. i wish i had realized sooner and I wish i knew how to properly apologize for what I did. i don’t even know if anyone remembers what I said and im so mad I said this to him. It never was funny and most likely made him And the other people around uncomfortable. Pile on top of the other shit, I said in the past. I feel like just killing myself would be best cause this guilt hurts and i feel like i can never get better.