i hate life everything that i do feels useless and everyday i feel like my confidence dwindles. i get these really random moments of happiness and then it doesn't matter anyway since it gets destroyed the next minute. i feel disgusting and worthless and it feels like i was a mistake. i'm tired of acting like i'm always okay and having to accept that everything i do is wrong and that i have no right to be happy about anything. it's a whole cycle of being fine and then not that i always doubt myself whether or not i'm actually feeling anxiety or depression thinking that "it's probably just the hormones or that i'm just being a bitchy teenager". i have to act like it's not actual valid sadness because everytime i see older people who used to be depressed say that they were just being dramatic teenagers and looking back at it it wasn't a big of a deal. personally, i just can't see myself living that long. i'm tired and i wish i was never born at all.