I know I've told you countless times that I'll change already. But I don't know where to start. I try to. I really. I hate being like this, acting like this, and pretending everything is normal. There's so much flaws seeping through the act. I can't do this without any guidance. I can't do this by myself. You keep telling me it's not my fault. It really is though. I hate how fear and guilt lingers in every act but I don't how to deal with it. Guilt consumes me every single day. Distractions are my only escape but it's barely working nowadays. I guess I should just let guilt and fear consume me. No matter what I do nothing ever changes. In so sorry for being a horrible person and for being a burden.