Everyday I'm constantly reminded on how I'm NOT a boy "she-" "dead name!" I stare into every mirror hoping for a day that I pass as a male. It horrified me. Seeing the fact that I would never get called a male. Ive always looked like a girl, had long hair, had a female voice. But ive never felt comfortable being one. Then I started representing myself as male. Going by 'jexic/ajaxx' online. Saying my pronouns were he/him. I felt at home. Then I came out. My family. They didn't take me seriously, told me that I was just being stupid. I tried turning my TV off. It never worked. Constantly hiding my true identity has always been tiring. I keep getting told "dont stop shining!" But I can't shine if I keep blocking myself from the shine I need. I'm just starting to think i should kill myself.