When I'm left alone in a dark room in silence, *those* thoughts start to flare up again. I admit, I'm sensitive and emotional as fuck. But I'm usually numb and empty inside when I distract myself from those dark thoughts. All I can do is cope, cope, cope, cope, and cope with no way out. Music and my phone is my only lifeline in this pathetic world. Having nobody to reach out to when your own friends don't have the same emotional maturity or depth is exhausting. it makes me feel like I'm all alone. They're not bad people, just teens my age. But I feel abandoned and left out when they seem so much happier and reactive than with me, even when I'm actively talking to them they get distracted and lowk ignore me. But hey, I'm such a sad depressed moron anyway. When I'm distressed, I just vent to them and tell them these dark things. I seem distressed in text, but so.. calm, in real life, that they don't know how to react.