No words could articulate the feelings I have and no ears can understand the the words in which I attempt to speak with a shaky throat. I was doing so beautifully. It was amazing. Exploring, friends, colors, stars, fresh air. I was ignoring. I'm so tired and exhausted. I can't take it. It's like an addiction. I want to run back. It succumb. To have some sort of release. But I haven't done it in so long and I was so good. I can't do it. Not to my friends, my family. Not again. Not to my dad. I love my dad. I can't do that to him. I love him so much. I've already put him through so much. What about the girls? Would they know? I feel sick. I have a poor appetite. And I keep listening to this song. Over and over and over and over and over and over again. I can't stop. God, I wish I could just tear all of my skin off. I can't fucking stand it. The visceral amount of discomfort is unimaginable. Like an uncomfortable piece of clothing. I've been feeling more agitated. Less patient.