Someone in America will have studied it anyway, and if it doesn't stick, they don't have to overthink it. They can just continue. I was so stupid that I begged to be pulled out of mainstream education, but I couldn't since there weren't any funds. I was so stupid; I want to learn everything now. I want to read everything, I want to talk about what I've learned even though I can't trust my views on anything. I can't trust how I even synthesize that information anymore, but I assume that everyone else isn't familiar because I need to cope with this envy. I need to belittle others. I want to tear them down aesthetically, I just can't because I'm not an artist, I'm not a philosopher, I'm not a writer. I can only enjoy. People expect me to just relax. I hate people who know all this and still feel negative, though it's a common occurrence and the grass isn't greener on the other side.