So.... It.s summer holyday in my country. I grew till I was 11 with my grandmother. After I started school in the capital, I had to come back at her house. Countryside. I don.t really know somebody here, even if I have lived here for 11 years. But that is not the big problem. In the last couple of years, how I got older, I saw that things started to get bad. She started drinking and I started hiding. She wants to be with me. she loves me as her child, but I want to run away because she scares me when she isn.t sober. she doesn.t hit me. i can.t vent to my parents or my older sister because they have seen worse. even my friends. when she is like that, she is more... emotionally agresive (?). or starts talking about what i can never be. or other things that bother me. or things that make me feel guilty. she hurts me with words and i am scared. but not hard enouth for protection, because i still love her. she... is just to much. today, i spilled some of her drink. she saw. it.s ok for now