I used to be severely depressed in january bc of grief and rumors being spread about me which made me emotionally numb and distant with suicidal thoughts and I developed new seriously unhealthy addictions such as watching gore and watching people self harm bc I couldn't bring myself to self harm again bc I already did and my family knows. With all of that I've had a porn addiction for 4,5 years now and it's still messing with me. I'm a lazy fuck who can't even bring herself to brush her teeth or even shower which sometimes messes with my hygiene and most of the days I spend laying in bed or playing games. I rarely eat, only when I feel really hungry otherwise I don't eat at all. Now back at january I lost my best friend bc of a stupid fight and she was the one to spread rumors about me which made me develop social anxiety and very scared to go to school knowing I'll get indirectly bullied and verbally made fun of. The person who I thought so highly of made me realize I was unloved. Why