i'm having a hard time finding a job. not only am i not really attached to my family, the debt, or my college course, but i also have difficulty pretending i'm interesting in something when i'm not. so i can't lie through work. i can't suck it up. it'll be so clear that i just don't care, won't that be so unfair to the company. i don't really have any survival instinct. i don't find it important to fight for myselfor to make myself stand out among other jobseekers. if i so chose i could quit being on this earth, that's what makes finding a job so hard, because i'm not so attached to it. i've been detached for a very long while now. i don't remember the last time i felt so tethered to the world. i love my friends but if they knew how useless i would be i'm sure they wouldn't mind me making it easier for everyone. they're all incredibly talented people who either have jobs or a gig going for them. i'm sure all i would be is a stain on their image.