right now i identify as a butch lesbian, but when between the ages of 13-15 i was they/he transmasc/demiboy. i still think about them sometimes, i miss being them. everytime i see an edit of “he’s inside of you deep down” with the trans flag and anthems of a seventeen year old girl, i feel something clawing at my chest trying to get out; except i can’t let it out, its not safe. i lay awake sometimes at night, imagining my life if i were born a boy. My name would be Atlas, i would skateboard and play electric guitar and spend my saturdays playing video games and watching niche movies. I would wear guyliner, paint my nails, listening to emo music. i live in america, theres a trans genocide going on. i wouldn’t ever be able to transition because my family wouldn’t except me and i cant live alone due to chronic illness so theres no point in entertaining the idea im a transman. i keep atlas deep inside of me where hes safe. i see the tv glow brighter everyday, but i cover it with a blanket.