I miss that guy but I'm too prideful to ask him to come back in my life even if having him around made me very regulated but I also disagreed with so much of what he had to say so what am I supposed to do now, I depended on him with everything! I depended on him to vent and I hate that I took up so much precious time with my trauma dumping. I shouldn't have told him too much about my past but as far as other people go he's the only one that knows everything! about my past. but I can't let my feelings get in the way. He's surrounded with people who are way better than me. He's got a PHD ahead meanwhile I've been busy doing nothing of substance for the past 3 years. I failed in each and every propect. He doesn't need to have whiners like me in his space. But the more I try to be independent the harder it is. Maybe that's the point. Maybe I'll send that message when I'm better and capable of holding down a conversation without making it about me me me me me and my dramatic past etc