I do kind of wish though that i didnt feel as bad over random things. Or to be more specific, the way that i just get mad at others to hide from them. I dont have anything to feel bad about, like a sob story, ANYTHING! Outside of me avoiding dealing with my emotions, facing events from a subjective standpoint... more things happened to me, but i cant for the life of me remember or care about (myself) it). I feel like im not playing my role properly, Im either too stiff or too much. I kind of wish i got to appeal to anyone in every way possible, not such a “independent” spirit. It’s a terrible feeling… to want to be hurt by someone else in order to feel some sort of validation that i can feel bad over myself. Years. Its been years since ive been unlike myself, to them at least. I exempt myself from these things, or getting help because i dont like confrontation. I dont know what i am that warrants such self harm or self-degradation naturally.