I hate myself, I hate my life, I want to die, I wish I wasnt myself.. I'm disgusting and filthy.. I'm losing faith with my religion and I feel so much guilt, my dad is urging me to do things like memorizing verses, and reading books about it.. But I can't, I can't defend what my religion talks about even if there is evidence backing it up.. I wish someone knew I was struggling, I don't want anyone to acknowledge it, I just want them to know... Make things easier for me.. Maybe if I just died I wouldn't have to worry about all of this, but I'm too pathetic and scared to do it I cant.. I can't do it. I would be so guilty, doing that to my family, and my best friend, thats so selfish, if I just killed myself right now, she would be so sad and mad at me for not talking to her, I love her so much, I don't want her to know how badly I'm struggling.