Everything about me is an act and I don’t know what to do. I am bipolar, I always act a different way, and forget how I thought when I wasn’t the current state of mind. I regress or feel mature, but in the end I am still just me. I say I do all these things and they feel like excuses. Why can’t I just be normal. Why can’t I remember what I do, and see myself how I affect people rather than a narcissistic control freak. I just want to change, to stay only the personalities I know are good, that feel safe and warm and soft. But I always go back to complaining rather than doing something. Why can’t I stop talking for one day to actually do something with my life. I’m just an annoying circus act, performing for no one because it’s ass. Excuses after excuses and I still end up where I am now. This mess of a person. Fuck.