i feel like I'm gonna lose it, I'm ready to lose it since the last three months, but it still doesn't happen, or maybe it refuse to happen; I been feeling so deteriorated since my graduation, it supposed to be a fun event, and while I did enjoy some parts of it, I still feel very hollow inside, my self esteem is too low to be able to believe someone would actually want to be my friend, I been trying my best to be the great considerate friend, but people will always leave me, they'll always have more fun with somebody else, I'm so sad I can't cry anymore, I want to choke myself but at the same time I don't want to die, I'm not suicidal, but the tendencies to self harm through substances been screaming so loud inside me, I just wish I can just get into isolation altogether, I just wish I can just forget about everyone, but even despite everything, I still truly love them and wish they'd turn around and remember me again