dont have a job. dont have friends. my room is a mess. i dont feel as empathetic as i should. and i feel guilty for it ironically. i just want to leave this place. i need to. i never finished high school. i almost killed myself there. idk how i couldve gone on anyways. my little brother is disabled. i love him so much. but im scared ill be stuck taking care of him when his caretaker mighr die. i wnat to leave this house. im sick of listneing to arguements all day and pacing around the place because i genuinely havenowhere else to go. im selfish. everyones so busy. everyones too busy. everyone is sick. i want to relapse. i want to do a lot of things. i want to regress back to 13 years old. i want to stay with the friends i had. id join more clubs. id try to get money early on. i dont know. im selfish. i wasnt meant to be here. everyone clearly has the motivation for everything they do. nothing motivates me to clean my room. my body. another body.im tired. its not his fault. im selfish.