I’ve been so, so stressed out lately, and everything just feels like it’s both rebuilding and crumbling around me at this once. It’s like I’m actively trying to fix myself while a wrecking ball sweeps in to wreck everything again, and all I can do now is sit in the rubble and look at everything I’ve wasted trying to do everything right. I used to have a best friend, but I slowly began to realize how unsafe and toxic the relationship was. I finally cut her off after 4 years, but every day just feels like I’m a replica of her. Every little thing I told people I disliked about her I see reflected in myself. It makes me sick. I don’t want to be seen like that, but I know with where I’m headed, I will be soon. I can’t even open up to anyone anymore without the fear of seeming like her, in the way where she would guilt trip people into staying. I don’t want to be like that. I can’t stop myself from being like that.