i don't fucking understand. i study day and night, so much that i forget to eat, so much that i forget to sleep, so much that instead of feeling tired, i just feel the need to learn more. and yet you people still pressure me to 'work harder' and still find a way to compare me to others. i'm 13, for fuck's sake. are you fr trying to say i'm not as good as my next door neighbour's son who's 18 and is in college? you sign me up for lessons without asking for permission. you barely give a damn yet you expect me to not fold under your expectations. i claw at my arms and back until it draws blood and the pain is soothing and you don't give two shits. what the fuck am i supposed to do with my life? why can't i go outside and lie on the grass and feel the sun burn away my tiredness and fall asleep right after that? why can't i go swing on swings until i swing so high that i fly off of it and, in landing, break my neck and never have to live again? i hate this so bad man