Idk if it was rape. But I feel heavy about it every day. Every time I remember. I was sat on top of him the first time and he was fingering me and he slipped it in without my consent. And then we yk.. I cried the whole night after because I didn't want it. Another time I remember vividly is when he made me shag him in a forest. I was trying so hard not to cry and I hurt so bad afterwards. When I layed on top of him, he'd force my hips down and grind against me. He'd shove his hands down my pants and when I said stop he'd say 'I'm not doing anything' then continue to do it anyways. He used to force me to suck him off and shag him every week. The one time I wanted to have sex? I remember laying there thinking sex is actually good when I want it. I lost my virginity to rape. I was sexuallt assaulted several times. And idk what to do and I can't tell any1.