To be honest, I am not a good person. I lie to myself constantly that I am, and I want to believe that I am a good person, but I know I am not. I try to do the right things, but I keep screwing them up, and making mistakes that just make all the progress go down the drain. What makes this worse is the fact that if anyone saw my life from outside, they would see no reason as to why I am depressed, as to why I am struggling so much because I have a roof over my head, parents who while flawed, still deeply care for me, and yet I feel so depressed everyday. I spend too much time worrying online, I was in a harmful community that has likely caused permanent mental scars all the way until recently, I have done things in that place I now deeply regret, questionable stuff that I no longer want to worry about. I got exiled from the place and I am happy about it and yet I am still also sad about it. I have a deep crush on my friend even though she's one of them. I can't stop crushing on her. :(