I keep struggling with my self-esteem because of my past experiences. I've always heard people say something about my body or my eyes, including exes, where one in particular even broke up with me because my friend's was "hotter" than me. Because of things like this, I've usually had the issue of trying to impress people too much, both in terms of looks and personality, even when I didn't really want to make those decisions. Of course, I've tried to work on myself and broke out of some bad habits, but I've still got a lot of those habits, like I'm dating a guy whose humor is making fun of certain groups of people, of which my friends are in those types of groups and also that I'm part of. Yet, I'm dating him because I want to feel loved, and he confessed to me, unaware that I'm not straight, because he'd make fun of me if he knew, and it could cost my social reputation.