when does the trauma ends? im tired of all the flashbacks and nightmares whenever im happy. i hate to feel like a predator when im doing perfectly normal things just because im afraid that anyone else will feel the same way as me, and i would rather die than make someone feel this way. why do i feel so guilty when it wasnt even me who did this? i wish he would feel as guilty as me. its hard trying to live a normal life and out of the blue feeling disconnected from myself because of the flashbacks that make me relive everything again. every time i recall these memories, i feel that ive grown more distant from them. and it feels great. im glad i can ignore them some times. but other times it just comes back as a wave trying to let me down once more. i know im going to get over this, it just pisses me off that i have to.