it feels like throughout my life so far i continue to push people away while continuously wondering why i don't have anyone around me. i've consistently lost friends over the years bc of my personal feelings getting in the way. i often put my relationships first before my friends and loved ones, and it destroyed a lot of relationships around me without me knowing, until now. now that i'm the one who's alone, i feel so lost and so empty. my life is going well, and i've started a career in something that i really love, but outside of work i feel like a shell of existence. i'm so appreciative of my online friends i've met over the past year or so because i wouldn't be myself without them. i love being an online person because i can get lost in a world that doesn't exist physically, but when i exist in the physical world i'm back to square one. i really want to meet people irl, but it's so hard without school or something to prompt these relationships. i feel so in between, and just stuck.