I wish I'd like myself 30 years ago. I don't like myself. I hate my marriage and my lying gaslighting husband whose dick doesn't work. Not that it matters because he's terrible in bed, can't kiss, and turns me off when I think about having sex with him. He doesn't listen to me. It takes fucking years to get an idea through to him to action anything. If he finally does, he fucks it up because he has no plan. Then I end up screaming at him. That's the only time he takes what I have to say seriously. How many sleeping pills would I have to take to die? I don't want the pain because it works alert someone and they would help me. I just don't want to be on this fucking trash planet in this shit life any longer.