i want to be loved so bad but at the same time i cant. i dont think im capable of loving someone in the way i want to. im fucked up in the head, like not too bad but just enough to make me question everything. like i mean everything. and nothing is fair in this world bc what do you mean in the big fucking 26 im still getting random calls from random people calling me slurs just for my race and that im always going to be looked down on because im a woman. theres no escaping things like this especially when im so empethetic but not rlly, im like emotionally stunnted or smth and i couldnt care less if people close to me died or not because for some reason i just dont give a fuck. i want to care, i want to so bad but everyhting in my head feels like a performance, like im faking everything i do and now i dont even know whats real or not or who i even am. my body isnt mine and this face isnt either. im so lost and fustrated