I feel like I shouldn’t even attempt to love sometimes. Parkinson’s, Dementia/Alzheimer’s, depression, anger issues. Addiction, my lack of social skills and cues, family stances and “humor”. It’s just not worth or fair to force anyone to suffer through the mess that I am or that I might become. I don’t think I can ever come out. I’ve seen first hand how a person looses themselves over something like dementia, and how loved ones are affected. I know what it’s like to be the verbal punching bag for someone’s anger issues and depression. I’ve been on watch for friends, making sure they don’t spiral too much. I’ve seen how addiction can be. Addiction runs in my family, I can’t even have fun at a party without the fear at least being at the back at my mind. It’s exhausting. It’s so stressful and daunting that how dare I think about putting that on someone?