I just realized that I'm not for the program that I chose, I dont wanna work in healthcare especially in this country, Im almost finish with my first year with this program and I know that its not that far yet to not change my mind but I think about my mother who worked really hard to pay my tuition how am I gonna tell her that I wanna start again? Im gonna change programs? everthing in this country is shitty, the education system and specially the health system, studying in my program made me realized how unfair it is for the citizens in this country who all paid taxes even if their salaries are already so small yet this country cant even provide proper healthcare and education. FUCK THIS COUNTRYS POLITICAL DYNASTIES, FUCK THE DUTERTES, FUCK THE MARCOSES FUCK THEM ALL. I HOPE SOMEONE JUST BOMBS THEIR ASSES RN. FUCK THEIR SHIT

My mind is so noisy. I just want to sleep, but I still have so much to do. It’s exhausting. I’m really just being dramatic. I act like I’m special. The world doesn’t revolve around me. I thought I was the smartest just because I had achievements, but there are people who are smarter than me. Before, when I heard someone say that so-and-so is smart, I would think, “Really? I’m probably smarter than them.” I’m such an arrogant person. What my dad said was true—that my head would get too big because of the exam scores I got, since I was usually the highest.

I don’t want to go into the real world yet. . I haven’t even started, but I’m already tired—what more if I actually begin? I’m so tired. The real world is scary. I’m not ready for responsibilities. I’m weak. How am I supposed to survive out there? I just want to stay here in my room. I feel like studying is pointless—maybe I don’t even have a future. Maybe I’m just hardworking, not smart. I don’t have a single talent. I have many hobbies but I haven’t mastered any of them. When I learn the basics, I stop and don’t continue improving. Maybe I really don’t have a future. I’m just a burden to my family. I keep spending money but I don’t even help with household chores. I’m such a selfish person. I always put myself first. I don’t even care about my mom and siblings. I’m so worthless. I’m such a bad and hypocritical person,I judge people in my mind based on their appearance, even though I’m afraid of being judged myself. I don’t even have my own personality, I just copied it