Suicide has been on my mind for ages, same thing goes for self harm. I'm only clean because I lost the blade, which is a stupid reason, but I found it again after cleaning out my desk. I wish I could cut my arms, they itch, but I don't want to worry my mum, she's found out twice before and each time she made me feel so guilty. And for suicide, I know ill never actually do it. I'm too scared to do it but it doesnt make me stop thinking about it, I've even written letters to my friends before, multiple times. I wish I could tell someone everything, all that's on my mind, how I feel, that fact that I want to die, to cut myself, and they'd listen and support me. I just want this feeling to end, its been here for ages. Since the first time I cut myself when I was 12, or even thought of running away at 11. I just want to have a normal time growing up, not constantly thinking about slitting my wrists, overdosing or hanging myself.