I have no one in my life, even when im there for everyone. I can't keep living like im the only one on earth, in some sort of simulation. I never feel real, like my feelings are just on a controller with only an on and off switch and I don't have hold of it. im autistic so I mirror peoples personalities and behaviour and I don't know which is mine. ive been someone else for so long ive forgotten who I am. I feel uneasy looking at myself but still am so obsessed with how I look and the second I don't like what I see I spiral. into hate everyone in my life but I still get so stuck into trying to please them and be someone they want me to be. I have a support network but every time I go to tell them how I feel I choke. I can't be helped. its like I find comfort in being sad.