I wanna die, not kill myself. Im too scared to commit to any actual forms of self harm, but I really just wish I were dead. I feel trapped in my own home and unable to escape. I have nothing, no one, 0 prospects, 0 motivation. I just stole alcohol out of the fridge and am trying to drink away my problems, which is stupid. Im not even a drinker, I hate the taste of alcohol, but I am desperate for solutions and I know people do this to make themselves feel better. Theres something wrong with me and I dont know what, and anytime I try to figure it out Im belittled and ignored. Writing this is stupid thinking these things is stupid. I wish I had the courage to actually kill myself, but I dont and so im stuck. I feel like a child for even thinking these things, I should suck it up and deal with it, but I cant. Im not deserving of the life I have, the people I know or even the feelings I have. Im truly an utter waste of space and resources. A fucking parasite to anyone and everything around