I'm so frickin confused about myself. I afraid I might end my life when I move into my own apartment, and at the same time I want to finally be out and alone from my toxic household. I promise myself I'm not gonna self harm anymore, just for it to be a lie to myself. What if me not wanting to die is also a lie I tell myself to cope with all this bullshit. I'm scared of society, what doctors might think of me if I where to cut really deep. Because I want to bleed, badly, but I'm afraid of the pain that comes with it, of the people who will see it. Will they be disappointed? Will they simply not care because it happened again? Is it unimportant because they wounds are just not big enough? At what point are the wounds big enough? I'm don't trust my own mind, and surely not my own mental health and it scares me that I have no idea if I'm stable or not.