How can I tell I'm getting worse to the point that it's serious? I'm still pretty young and I shouldn't be having these thoughts but it doesnt feel serious enough because I don't act on any of those thoughts. For context school friendship has been pretty rough on me but other than that my parents are a bigger problem. It's not like they hate me it's just my mom constantly has mood swings and I feel like I cant be myself around her. I'm scared she's going to snap if I ask for anything and recently I've been thinking of running away and just offing myself entirely. I want to just die alone somewhere no one will find me or panic if they see me. The thing is I'm not scared of death I'm just scared of the pain I might bring. The friends around me are hard to manage. I don't want to upset any of my friends but its hard and I dont blame them. Everything just feels like it's collapsing on me. When I die one day I want to see the look of guilt on my parents face when they realize their mistake