i’m gay and i can’t come out or do anything about it bc of my religion my family and my society. i ended things with a guy last month and ive been in love with the same girl for three years. she has a boyfriend around a year ago and i cant stop crying every single night to how pathetic i am and how sorry my life is. all i want is to accept myself. i have internalized homophobia and i’ve been praying for it to leave so i can just be normal. i’ve tried to be normal but it’s so hard when my heart physically hurts when i see her with him. i can feel my chest tightening and my throat closing up. it took me so long to realize that i am what i am and i still hate myself for it. i know my mom will hate me too. everyone will hate me and i just want to move away and be on my own. i don’t want to talk to any of my friends or my family. but i can’t do any of this and it js physically pains me that i feel so trapped and alone and it got so bad to the point where im telling whoever’s reading this.