I can't move on from my abortion. I had sexual traumas for years and when I finally get a loving and healthy sex life I get pregnant. I never wanted children, I aborted. I was ashamed and thought I just had to tank it all. Felt the loneliest in my life. The hormones made me change physically, mentally it suddenly forced a maternal instinct I hated. The pain. The blood. The smile I had to keep while enduring a month without being able to eat. When it was over, I overate. I isolated myself. Became suicidal. Again. Every steps I did to fix myself went out of the windows the day I got pregnant. It has been 3 months. I still cry. I still want to die. I look fat. Ugly. Unhappy. I have horrible stetch marks on my breast that constantly remind me what happened. Im starting to be scared of sex again. Especially anything inside, or the final thing. I should be normal, but I want to die. And no one understand. I want to die.